fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
