So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
