i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
