I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize