Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize