Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
