His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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