my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I smell stomach acid.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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