It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
