Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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