No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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