I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
