you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
