Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
