By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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