Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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