never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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