meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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