Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
well you can't waste a boner
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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