Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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