i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
