I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
