last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this beer tastes like vomit already
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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