Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
