Can Purell be used as lube?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
