Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
