She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize