It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
