I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
