Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
