I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
