I met the friendliest cop last night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
