suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize