I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
