Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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