Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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