is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
