my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
