Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
