Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
