you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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