NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
