How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
