i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
