considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
