the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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