Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
