Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
