Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just found puke in my bra..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
