Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
