i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
