i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
