you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
