I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't deserve a penis
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
