Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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