i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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