The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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