He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
