This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize