i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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