Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
