Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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