wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
