ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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