i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
