you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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