All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize