I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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