i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
