Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
