At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
