Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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